12.13.07: Discharged

Well, it was about 3 days ago to this very moment that I was coming out of surgery. I was without the need of dialysis, but with a new kidney.

Ever gotten something and you were just like, where did this come from? Now that I ask the question, I realize, no--most people recieve something and they know where it comes from. I don't have a clue as to where this kidney came from, or who it used to belong to, but the whole point of the matter is that what is now inside me making me pee uncontrollably once belonged to someone else.

Part of me wants to know who it belonged to, or what happened to them. Obviously they died. But what kind of person were they. I mean, did they ever think that in death, they would be giving life?

The other part of me wants nothing to do with that person's family. My sudden obsessive compulsive personality makes me think that I would dwell on that family and try to continuously devote my life to repaying them for such a gift.

I dunno. In any case, this blog is dedicated to that person that now lives within me.

Anyway, It was about this time... 9:00 on Monday evening that I came out of surgery. The day before, I was hanging out with Beth, Rod, and my brother and Beth and I were talking about how "not a big deal" surgery was.

"It's like it only lasts 5 minutes."
"I've had it done like twice before."
"I could do it again."

I had no idea that I would be doing it again the following day. I had no idea that I would be laying on a gurney being pumped full of some mysterious liquid that would make me forget everything that was going on aroung me in just 5 minutes.

That's what it was like. Nathan, the anesthesiologist put this stuff in my arm, rolled me away from my parents, and as soon as I was in that room, I was out. I mean, I couldn't see anything anyway... my glasses were gone... and honestly, I didn't want to see much of anything.

And even before that, I wasn't nervous. I wasn't scared. I wasn't anxious. To be honest, I was insanely tired. I was sitting waiting for the nurse to set everything up and I almost dozed off. My mom reminded me of the faith that I had. I hate to say that I am full of huge faith, but truly, I had no worries laying on that bed rolling into the OR. I knew I was going to come out and I was going to be in pain, and again, like I had said not even 24 hours before, I knew it was only going to seem like it lasted about 5 minutes.

So yeah... I woke up on my back with a lot of pressure on my left side. My throat hurt, and I couldn't see anything. I was in some room that clearly wasn't the OR anymore, and it was full of really nice ladies in blue. They were chit-chatting and just carrying on like what had just happened was no big deal.

Well, I got to 618 East, my hospital room, and at that time, I realized how big of a deal it was. I broke down in tears, thankful to God for what had just happened. "It's over," was all I could think.

It's over.
The surgery.
It's over.
The dialysis.
It's over.
What had been ongoing ever since I was just a few months old.

It was over.
I had no real way to express what I was feeling except to burst out in tears. I really was thankful. I know at times I don't seem highly thankful or appreciative of God, but I am. And it seems like I had always been waiting for Him to get a reaction like that out of me. And I think that is what happened. It was like I wasn't in any pain... Even people who talked to me on the phone that night claimed that I seemed like I was fine... in a great mood.

I can't believe it, seeing all the pain that I was in later and am in now.

And now, I am in even more pain... I just learned that I am basically going to be out of commision until March... No real socializing or hanging out. I have to stay away from germs. Including my class. So. Yeah. The ups and downs... I dunno.

I'm missing so many people already. So... I guess I have to get used to not seeing them or being aroiund them.

Now, it's time for bed. I have clinic in the morning and a long night of sleeping on my back, drinking lots of water and getting up to use the bathroom every 30 minutes.

Thanks for letting me know that I am missed. It truly makes me feel incredibly loved. I miss you too.