12.27.07: The Letter

So I went back to Charleston for a check-up today... let's just say that it was a super long day. Surprisingly, I have no problem being stuck inside my house. I would rather be here all day loing than dragged about in the street. Maybe it's because I'm not the one behind the wheel and it's my control issues coming through. I dunno.

Anyway, things appear to be good. I kinda thought that it would, 'cause I feel great. I am in relatively good spirits, and I feel the best I ever have. Today, they also took out my staples... SO glad about that. It didn't really hurt either--I wasn't really apprehensive about it, really just very anxious to get them out because they were a little bothersome.

Yesterday, we were over at my aunt's house helping her do a little decorating when a story about Jason Ray came on. Jason was the UNC Tarheels' mascot and he died this past spring due to head trauma. Jason blessed the lives of close to 50 people by donating his organs. It was a mesmerizing story and it brought my mom to tears... not just tears, but sobs. So many times, she is so strong and stoic and I never really know if anything truly moves her to very strong emotions. This did.

I didn't cry. I was just in this thankful, peaceful state, thinking about how twisted this whole process is. Someone has to die for someone else to live. I know I've said it before, but just think about it... To all my friends and family who love me and who are so excited for me, there are also friends and family of another individual who are mourning right now. It seems so unfair, and I can't feel anything but completely indebted to that individual.

Now, I am plagued with the tast of writing a letter to the donor family. I am thoroughly excited to share my feelings with them, but I just want it to be perfect. I want them to know how thankful I am, but I also want it to help them find peace during their time of loss. I would love to be able to establish some type of relationship with them, just so that they know that part of their son still lives on.

I thought I would publish it, but I don't think I will. I want it to be personal... almost like from a son to a parent.

I just hope that it is as heartfelt as it is meant to be...